Owner Bios

Before we begin with these Bios I want everyone to know that I did absolutely no research or fact checking before publishing. Enjoy.

White Don:

Height: 5’7″

Weight: 170 lbs

Sexual Orientation: Straight-ish

Relationship Status: Taken

Favorite Ice Cream: Rocky Road

Draft Style: Injury Prone Magnet

Coaching Ability’s: Average at best sometimes doesn’t have a lot to work with while his team in the hospital

Trade Ability’s: 55

Naomi Odds:8

Sacko Odds: 45

Athleticism score: 15 (based on recent competition but maybe overall cuz he lost hard, honestly difficult to watch)

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: His athletic ability cuz he played D1 Track (See above tab)

Black Don (Me):

Height: 6’0″

Weight: 180

Sexual Orientation: Frisky

Relationship Status: Single-ish

Favorite Ice Cream: Mint Chocolate Chip

Draft Style: Hip fire

Coaching Ability’s: Classic over thinker

Trade Ability’s: Ya win some ya lose some

Naomi Odds: 79

Most Likely to: Have performed what ever weird sexual act you’ve been thinking about trying for the first time

Sacko Odds: 2

Athleticism score: 34

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: His ability to make anyone uncomfortable if he really wants to

Josh (GM)

Height:5’4″

Weight:215

Sexual Orientation: Tom Brady

Relationship Status: Owned

Favorite Ice Cream: Vanilla

Draft Style: Over hyped

Coaching Ability’s: Terrible

Trade Ability’s: Will offer any of his worst players for your best

Naomi Odds: 60

Most Likely to: Get mistaken for Matt Patricia

Sacko Odds: 5

Athleticism score: 27

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: His thick lushes beard

Jason (Current Naomi)

Height:4’9″ (Fun fact: This is the height in which you are still legally required to sit in a car seat)

Weight: 105

Sexual Orientation: Naomi

Relationship Status: Aggressively single

Favorite Ice Cream: Allergic

Draft Style: Take from the needy give to the rich. But honestly really good as of late

Coaching Ability’s: He has very easy decisions to make with that team

Trade Ability’s: Rapist

Naomi Odds: 93

Most Likely to: Get defensive

Sacko Odds: 0

Athleticism score: 8

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: Going from 0 to hero and dominating this dynasty league

Ryan

Height: 6’1″

Weight: 230

Sexual Orientation: Any hole

Relationship Status: The same few holes for awhile now

Favorite Ice Cream: Human soft serve if you know what i mean 😉

Draft Style: Good

Coaching Ability’s: Above average

Trade Ability’s: Unmemorable

Naomi Odds: 56

Most Likely to: Drunkenly fucking literally any hole

Sacko Odds: 7

Athleticism score: 78

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: His meat head… Take that which ever way you’d like

Nick

Height: 5’10”

Weight: 165

Sexual Orientation: Straight (except with other nick)

Relationship Status: Taken

Favorite Ice Cream: Pistachios

Draft Style: Good

Coaching Ability’s: Good

Trade Ability’s: Above average

Naomi Odds: 50

Most Likely to: Beat White Don in anything

Sacko Odds: 18

Athleticism score: 77

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: His ability to throw a wiffle ball

Other Nick (current Sacko)

Height: 5’8″

Weight: 180

Sexual Orientation: Straight (Except for with Nick)

Relationship Status: Off the Market

Favorite Ice Cream: Chocolate Fudge Swirl

Draft Style: Doesn’t pay attention

Coaching Ability’s: See Draft Style

Trade Ability’s: See Coaching Ability’s

Naomi Odds: 25

Most Likely to: Become a back to back Sacko

Sacko Odds: 83

Athleticism score: 55

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: He admits there is nothing interesting about him

Keegan

Height: 6’0″

Weight: 220

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Relationship Status: Freshly something

Favorite Ice Cream: Bubble gum (Fact: only a serial killer loves this ice cream)

Draft Style: Go bills

Coaching Ability’s: Ok

Trade Ability’s: Poor. You created Jason you animal.

Naomi Odds: 40

Most Likely to: Tell you they are the expert in whatever you are currently talking about

Sacko Odds: 20

Athleticism score: 45 (used to be higher but age has taken its toll on this one)

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: I’d say that’s probably a ridiculously long list

Jordan

Height: 5’10”

Weight: 170

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Relationship Status: No clue

Favorite Ice Cream: Sherbet

Draft Style: Does just fine. Neither here nor there

Coaching Ability’s: Cocky son a bitch

Trade Ability’s: Can’t remember any.

Naomi Odds: 50

Most Likely to: Marry a good Jewish girl just like his mama wants.

Sacko Odds: 25

Athleticism score: 13

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: That he lives in Jersey. Idk why he thinks that’s interesting though.

GT (Should be GM)

Height: 5’11”

Weight: 169

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Relationship Status: Basically married

Favorite Ice Cream: Oreo Ice Cream

Draft Style: Strong

Coaching Ability’s: Also Strong

Trade Ability’s: Fair and Balanced

Naomi Odds: 75

Most Likely to: Become GM of the league

Sacko Odds: 3

Athleticism score: 70

Thing they find most interesting about themselves: That if he went full rage mode he could kick everyone’s ass in this league