Not Your Father’s Power Rankings: This Week

This gif prob won’t work

Fellas, Fellas, Fellas

I didn’t forget about y’all I promise. I had a few important meetings these last couple weeks with representatives from Microsoft and EA games that I just couldn’t miss. Don’t fret, I’m here now, just in time to preview this week’s important matchups and deliver a Power Rankings for the ages.

Jason is Human

Over the past few weeks we have finally seen the humanity. Jason is still good but is he really? The numbers that matter (5-4) show us the kid is just average, which he’s never heard before in his life so honestly he should be happy. This week he takes on the perpetual dumpster fire that is David Keegan. Let’s see if Keegan can stay off the Wall Street Journals Facebook comments long enough to put out a solid lineup against the ginger.

Josh finally makes history!

Live look at Josh’s performance

Wow! An absolutely record breaking performance that really demonstrates the clutch gene! What will Josh come up with next? Whatever it is Ryan will likely benefit this week. Bold prediction: whoever wins this matchup makes playoffs and the other is destined to vie for a Sacko.

Kings Stay Kings

Despite a slight blunder the top of the league has remained unchanged for a while. Don and Frank are rolling thanks to opposite modes of transportation. Don Eaves is aboard the points train rolling through a city near you while Leffler’s squad jumped aboard the Defensive Battleship this season. Teams just can’t score on him.

The Rankings

  1. Don Eaves
  2. Frank
  3. White Don
  4. Jason
  5. Ryan
  6. Josh
  7. Zeglen
  8. Jordan
  9. Keegan
  10. GT

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