Not Your Father’s Power Rankings: Playoffs Week 1

RIP Sacko

Services for Sacko’s cold lifeless body are being held at 128 West Northrup Pl on Sunday December 8th at 5 pm. Thank you Sacko for your constant entertainment, endless laughs (at your expense), and unlimited first round picks. Donald also had a fantastic fall from grace for which Greg and I are appreciative of.

sacko match ups

Allen the Family vs When I Cum I Phillip Rivers

Sacko meets the Tank. Off of a Top 3 collapse in the history of this league Keegan is looking to avoid back to back punishments. Ryan has to hope that the Tank is complete and his team will start winning now. After Amari Cooper’s garbage time points Keegan has a 54% chance to come away with the victory. In my opinion this match up comes down to one head to head, Alvin Kamara vs Josh Jacobs. Both running backs are ranked 11 and 12 respectively on the season with tough match ups ahead. Whoever can come out on top between these two will carry their team to victory. For my money I think Ryan could run the Beer Mile fastest of anyone in this group so I am rooting for Ryan here so I don’t feel inadequate at next years draft.

Me and Mahomies vs Grandma They Freed Me!

This match up has erectile dysfunction written all over it. Julio Jones and Saquon Barkley provided boner inducing rosterbation at the beginning of the year and have since gone limp. Neither are ranked in the Top 15 at their respective position and have taken their teams to the shit bowl semi finals. Donald has a 51% chance of winning this match up and although him being Sacko would be content for days, he is already going to run a beer mile so fuck that we want more beer miles, not less.

Championship Playoff Match ups

Daniel MF Jones vs Jafarison Jafar Jafarison Lamar

Cinderellas slipper fits just right. Fuck whoever decided to put GT’s squad on the bottom of the Power Rankings each week, guy must be a total moron. Jason has surged back in recent weeks and may be the strongest team going into the playoffs, HOWEVER, he has to play an extra game which means an extra shot at an off week. Padded by Zeke’s strong Thursday Night performance he is poised to return to the Semi-Finals for the 4th time in as many years (I think idk I don’t fact check). Sorry Greg, the clock is about to strike midnight and your squad is going to turn into a pumpkin once again. This is in no way shape or form me trying to reverse jinx Greg, I would never do that.

OJ’s Parole Board vs Chalupa Batmans

Is that a goat? Oh no it is just Jordan’s White Steed Christian McCaffrey. The Number 1 RB in fantasy averaging a whopping 29.5 points this season is gearing up to take a charge at the Naomi Cup. On the back of Allen freakin’ Robinson and a mediocre performance from Tarik Cohen Jordan took an early 30 point lead. With a 54% chance to win the public money is all over the Batmans. Josh is relying on an RB1 and RB2 on the same team in the match up. Ekeler and Gordon need to combine for 35+ to win this one for Josh. I just don’t see that happening, no one respects Philip Rivers noodle arm anymore (sorry Cum Rivers) so Jacksonville is going to load the box and make Phil throw his ducks all over the yard. No Semi-Final choke for Josh this year.

Power Rankings

  1. Saved By Le’bell
  2. Frank’s Firesale
  3. Jafar’s dumb team name
  4. Chalupa Batmans
  5. Daniel MF Jones
  6. OJ’s Parole Board
  7. Allen The Family
  8. Cum Rivers
  9. Grandma They Freed Me
  10. Mahomies

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