Welcome to another edition of Free Thinking. With the NFL season kicking off tonight, I felt it was only right to start off with a bang. An exclusive, never before seen interview with the Dynasty King himself: Jason Feuer. Like many kings before him, Jafar (Jason’s questionable alias) raped and pillaged his way to the throne. Since capturing the title, Jafar has only been dethroned once in the last 4 seasons (courtesy of yours truly). But with another season about to begin, I wanted to sit down with Jafar, as he’s been fairly absent from all of our lives recently. Now, without further ado, the interview you’ve all been waiting for…
So Jafar, how have you been since draft weekend?
Life’s been well. I hadn’t looked at my team since the draft, until today.
Why have you been leaving our prestigious group chat? Do you hate us?
I still have a shitty phone that show how [sic] can’t mute the app. I’m buying one after the new iPhones come out, probably next month. I don’t hate y’all I just need to mute it sometimes when you guys all killing my phones lol
Well I’m glad you don’t hate us. You might be able to mute the chat from the GroupMe web browser. We cannot wait for your return to the group. You haven’t asked me to play smash since draft weekend. Is there a special someone taking you from me?
Yes, I was seeing another Spanish girl for a little while, but this one’s first language was English for once.
At this point I think it’s considered a fetish…. Nonetheless, with the NFL season coming up, give me two teams you think will crash and burn, as well as two teams that you think will be sleepers this year.
For sleepers, Arizona (saw them ranked 22 on ESPN). Their offensive weapons are loaded now, despite lacking a strong defense. Kyler will probably need to throw a lot, I ain’t complaining 😄
I think the Colts will do well, even though they are already projected relatively high. I like the good O line, the multitude of backs, big play receivers, and the ability to actually use Philip River’s audibles without him getting sacked constantly. He can rely on his backs and line if he needs to, he doesn’t have to be the hero and throw everytime.
And if not the Colts, I’d say the Broncos because their young receiving core looks promising, despite just losing Von.
And for a crash and burn, I guess the Titans offense? And raiders I guess.
Frank is not gonna like that answer. On to fantasy football. Similar question. Give me 1 fantasy team you think will crash and burn this year and 1 fantasy team that will be a sleeper this year.
Zeglen’s the sleeper, he just added some good receivers this year. I really like Jordan’s team too. Yeah I’ll give the sleeper pick to Jordan, I like the potential from his lineup and his depth.
And for crash and burn, I say Josh only because he has so many Steelers in his starting lineup.
Ooh I love it. I bet Josh he wouldn’t make the playoffs so hopefully you’re correct. How does it feel being our only 3-time champion?
Great reaction. When do you think your reign will end?
Never, I should probably permanently fasten the fancy new trophy to my shelf.
No sign of humility from you… What teams are you concerned about facing this upcoming fantasy season?
Well most teams, since most teams have better RBs than me, but Don Eaves getting Kittle was scary.
Yes, speaking of that, how do you feel about Don Eaves powering up with the Kittle trade? And how do you feel about the trade as a whole?
Both teams filled large holes (Editor’s Note: That’s what she said) so I think it was good for both teams but you can still go fuck yourself for doing it.
Don’t worry, you weren’t the only one who was upset. Can I get a rundown of your prediction for the final regular season standings?
- Don Eaves
- Me (Jafar)
- You (Don Gotti)
Wow thanks man. I appreciate the love. Championship prediction. Who’ve you got in it and who wins it all? Sort of a silly question but I want the answer anyways.
I think Don Eaves and I are in the championship, and I’ll do you all a favor of starting the tradition of winning it every year from now on. No need to thank me, just have Gil weld it to the shelf for my future Fantasy Naomi Shrine.
Arrogance at its finest. Smh. If you don’t win this year, do you feel like the dynasty is over?
Gotta be confident lol. And no, I will consider it a Yankee’s rebuilding year.
Last one. Assuming you crumble this year, how will you go about rebuilding if you can no longer take advantage of Keegan?
Lmao. The waiver wire, like I did for the rest of my team lol.
Staying true to your strategy. I like it. Thank you for your time Jafar, it’s been a pleasure. And good luck to you this season – you’re gonna need it with Don in your division.
And thank you for doing an interview with me.
Ladies and gentlemen, that’s wraps up another edition of Free Thinking. If you liked this post, give it a like. If you didn’t, you’re wrong. Piss off. Comments below what you want for my next edition of Free Thinking and stay tuned for the blog in some amount of time. Eventually. This has been Don Gotti, see you fudgin’ later.
One thought on “Free Thinking with 3-Time League Champion Jafar”
Jafar sits when he pees