I know what you are all thinking, “What happened to Week 1!?” Well you know what happened? I did the Preseason rankings months in advance and not much changed so here we are.
Now let me tell you there are some big changes to this weeks power rankings. Some teams said fuck the expectations and showed what they are truly made of. While others, namely myself, shit the bed worse than Jordan after the Knicks and Rangers debacle of 2013 (Stay away from wine kids).
This week’s “Jump of the Week” is brought to you by the good folks at “Moon Shoes”. Get a pair of Moon Shoes here. And the winner is…
RYAN REED AND THE GREEN EGGS AND CAMS
Ryan propelled his team from 6th all the way up to 3rd by producing 158.9 points to barely edge out Don Eaves in the inaugural Frank’s Matchup of the Week . He did so with consistent play across the board including a 35 point bomb from Philip Rivers. That man produces fantasy points like he produces children, in bunches.
Next up we will look at our first ever “Plunger of the Week” sponsored by our good friends at Lowe’s. Find a wide variety of plungers at Lowe’s. And the loser is…
Yeah it’s me okay, fuck you guys I don’t want to talk about it, but I will. After putting up an abysmal 79.2 points against the self-proclaimed “Future Sacko” I have earned the honors of the first ever “Plunger of the Week” by dropping all the way down to 8 from number 5. I did so by leaving not one, not two, not 3 but FOUR double digit fantasy scorers on the bench while Marcus Mariota, Jimmy Graham and Doug Baldwin COMBINED for 4.4 points. Feels bad man. With Alshon Jeffery, Doug Baldwin and Carson Wentz all expected to miss this week we can only expect more of these underwhelming performances from my Shit Sippers. That redraft is looking mighty fine right about now.
Below is the rest of the Not Your Father’s Power Rankings for Week 2. If you have a problem with your spot just remember the wise words of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Week 2 Power Rankings
- Don Eaves
Love, Leff Daddy