Less Than a Week Fellas!
As you are all very aware, our league likes to take shots, talk shit and challenge each other. Two years ago we had the first (and last) annual Jewlympics which pitted the ultimately superior Jew Jordan versus our sheepish, tiny, inferior Jew, Jason. This year the competition is heating up with two new adversaries. Our reigning Champion and all around argument connoisseur Donald is squaring off against the snowflake liberal tree hugger himself, Keegan. Their competition of choice, GAMING.
Each Player will choose one game along with custom rules to compete against their adversary as well as 3 mystery games chosen by the remaining members of Wasted Talent. Scoring will be simple, best of 5 games, the winner will receive 1 point, first player to pass the 3 point threshold will win.
Specifically 1 v 1 Search and Destroy. Donald and Keegan both claim to be expert Call of Duty players so this game is sure to have some fireworks. This is Donald’s game so he will be sure to have the advantage but remember, Donald is the cockiest person in the whole league (2 rings though) so hopefully his head doesn’t get too big.
If you aren’t leaning Donald here you’re a Grade A bozo and you probably eat your own belly button lint. It is HIS game, and lord knows hes been training. Don’t overthink it, put your money on Donald and just start raking it in.
The biggest question here is will Keegan beat Donald 4-0 and make him call his Grandma? Just as with COD, this one is lopsided. Donald is not a huge sports gamer and this is supposedly Keegan’s best game.
If you lost money on my advice to bet Donald for COD, double down here and I promise Keegan dekes Donald’s dick off and uses it as a neck tie. Mortal lock here.
On to the juicy details, the Mystery Games.
Fork Knife is the biggest game in the world right now. The Fortnite World Cup this weekend in New York City has a prize pool of $30 Million Dollars! The boys will be playing for something much more prestigious however, our admiration.
For this game mode we will be dropping 3 solo games (hopefully queueing in to the same game). The highest point game for each competitor will be their final score. The scoring breakdown is as follows.
Each Elimination: 3 points
Top 10 Placement: 2 points
Top 5 Placement: 3 points
Top 3 Placement: 4 points
Victory Royale: 8 points
With the emphasis on eliminations here I have to go with Donald, he is an aggressive player without much regard for his own life (or his teammates for that matter). Expect Keegan to play more passive and hope for placement points. This one may be closer than people expect.
Mama Mia! Mario Kart from the clouds! GT and Ryan will generously be donating their Nintendo Switchs in order to allow these two goons to settle it on the track.
We will be filling the Grand Prix with a CPU lobby. The tracks will be randomized on the day of the competition. Higher finish after the Grand Prix will win the point for Mario Kart.
Honestly I don’t know where to go here. Ultimately it came down to one thing for me, Donald’s Arrogance. I see Donald getting an early lead here but his ego will allow Keegan to claw his way back into it. Ultimately Keegan squeaks out the Grand Prix Championship.
If ya smellllllllll.. what The Rock is cookin!
The boys will be bruised and bloodied vying for the Wasted Talent Gaming Championship of the World!
Specific match type TBD but regardless this will be a slobber knocker. One Match. Winner Take All.
At this point I have it 2 games for each guy so another curve ball may end up being the deciding factor. Look for Donald to dig deep into his love of all things wrestling (basically just Randy Orton) to muster up a win here and secure ultimate bragging rights.
This weekend is shaping up to be an absolute blast, we will have swimming, drinking, eating, gaming, football and much more. It’s a shame that Zeglen couldn’t hold a commitment we made 5 months ago. Hopefully a fundraiser doesn’t pop up out of nowhere for Jordan and Keegan doesn’t smoke himself into oblivion and just “forget” to take work off again. Let’s get after it boys, and always remember to tip your wait staff.