Fellas, fellas, fellas, IT IS FINALLY HERE
We are firing match up of the week back up for another season. It would only make sense for week 1 to hit every single matchup of the first week of the NFL and Wasted Talent Season. Please enjoy and as always Fuck Jason.
Saved by Le’Bell vs. Make Amarica Great Again
ESPN Projection: Don Eaves 137.3 Keegan 125.2
Franks Projection: Don Eaves 130.3 Keegan 102.5
Both of these teams will perform under their projections, but for different reasons. Don Eaves team has very difficult defensive matchups across the board which may quiet his powerful lineup, Keegan on the other hand just has a weak squad beyond Alvin Kamara. If he has any chance he will need Amari and Robert Woods to just go absolutely off. I am talking multiple touchdowns for each which just won’t happen. Beware of Kamara’s knee, our NFL insider Ryan “Blockhead” Reed has said his ACL is going to explode at any second.
When I Cum I Phillip Rivers vs. OJ’s Parole Board
ESPN Projection: Josh 137.2 Ryan 123.7
Franks Projection: Ryan 122.8 Josh 120.1
The first upset of the season! Josh falls hard to Ryan because of his reliance on Pittsburgh’s offense. What makes it worse is that his own New England Patriots are going to be the ones to shove it down his throat. After Chris Carson and Josh Jacobs run a train on his squad Josh is going to need to sit on an ice pack all the way to Barthelona.
Me and Mahomies vs. Jafaris Jamar Jafarison-Lamar
ESPN Projection: Jason 149.0 Zeglen 127.2
Franks Projection: Jason 162.5 Zeglen 98.7
Can’t be two big upsets in one week, unfortunately. Jason will roll here, and with Zeke back it is looking more and more like he will be difficult to stop this season. Unfortunately, this is not a one year league because clearly Jason is as bad at drafting as he is at copy and pasting text messages. Zeglen will get 55.6 points out of Saquon and Mahomes alone but unfortunately not much else from the rest of the squad. He needs Henry to break a 99 yarder again or else he will be squashed like the Bills playoff chances in October.
I Love It vs RIP Greg’s Team
ESPN Projection: Donald 126.8 Leffler 125.7
Franks Projection: Leffler 121.5 Donald 120.6
This game is projected as the closest game this week by the experts at ESPN. Deshaun Watson and Julio Jones are both facing strong defenses in New Orleans and Minnesota respectively so I expect each of them to underperform here which will be the difference in this one. The winner of the Reich Wedding fit-off prevails again here, winners just win (please disregard previous seasons).
Chalup Batmans vs Daniel MF Jones
ESPN Projection: GT 126.5 Jordan 125
Franks Projection: Jordan 133.0 GT 128.1
Both of these teams are sneaky good. McCaffrey is my #1 ranked PPR running back this season (yes ahead of Saquon and Kamara) and I think he shows it in his first game action. Unfortunately for Greg his team is just better on paper than it actually is. TY Hilton suffers greatly from the loss of Andrew Luck’s neckbeard and I envision the Patriots easing Michel back into his feature back workload. Jordan’s team will have a HOT start.
Good luck to all except Jafar and The Sacko, I hope you both nothing but misery and pain.