Not Your Father’s Power Rankings Week 2

Week 2 Power Rankings

Week 1 came and went and there were some absolute shockers. There were also some expected outcomes but the one thing that we know about this league is that everything can change at the drop of a hat, or the trade of a #1 overall pick.

A quick reminder, the preseason rankings were as follows.

  1. Donald
  2. Don Eaves
  3. Jason
  4. Josh
  5. GT
  6. Jordan & Zeglen
  7. Keegan
  8. Ryan
  9. Leffler

Four of the Top 5 teams from our preseason rankings fell last week. Does that reflect my poor ability to rank or is it an anomaly that will right itself as the season goes on? Well, probably a bit of both. We will be debuting a new segment however that may shed more light on the rankings moving forward. This segment will be called “Things We Know (And Things We Don’t)”. 

Things We Know

  • Jordan’s white steed is already running like there is no tomorrow. Christian McCaffrey was my #1 ranked PPR running back this year and he showed why.  I did choose Saquon in my one year league but you have GT’s responsiveness and Saquon’s quads to thank for that.  Barring injury I think that little gringo will blast through the fantasy record books this year.
  • Donald is confirmed bad.  But more importantly, by ranking him #1 in the Preseason Rankings I was able to successfully use reverse psychology to engineer a win in week 1. Donald will have to go back to the drawing board for Week 2 as he faces off against Barkley, Mahomes and non-existent Zeglen.
  • Josh lives and dies (emphasis on dies) with the Steelers. Against his own team no less! We know now that if you catch Josh and his trio of Black and Gold buffoons on a tough matchup, you will have a clear path to victory. It doesn’t hurt that Ryan was the second-highest scorer of the week.

Things We Don’t

  • Why is God’s name did Keegan start Courtland Sutton over Sammy Muthafuckin Watson? Luckily for him, Don Eaves team shit the bed worse than Jordan after a Knicks loss. Will we continue to see coaching blunders from The Sacko as we get deeper into the season? Smart money is on FUCK yes.
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  • Are the Fantasy God’s Punishing GT and Myself? While my injury bug has not been as egregious (yet) as Greg, someone up in Fantasy Football heaven really hates our guts.  From the Andrew Luck surprise retirement to Tyreek and his bum ass shoulder will GT be destined to become Sackamone once again!? As for me, I will probably be bottom 3 in PF and then somehow get the 4th pick and miss out on another generational talent (yeah I am looking at you Cait).
  • Can someone just castrate Jason already? Seriously, we should look into the legal ramifications (now I’m looking at Josh)
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As always if you have issues with the Power Rankings take it up with the carefully selected and wildly accurate formula that I use to produce this exquisite piece of literature.  Please enjoy the first Power Rankings of the regular season.

  1. Jason – No fuckin shit
  2. Don Eaves – His team is still an absolute wagon, if he doesn’t turn it around in Week number 2 I will be surprised
  3. Jordan – On the back of his little white steed, Jordan will ride to victory plenty more times before this season is finished.
  4. Josh – Very disappointing loss in week 1, on a BYE WEEK none the less. He still has a solid squad but some are questioning his character for not only allowing Antonio Brown to stay on his roster but also keep Josh Gordon. Are you aware he has done a marijuana Josh!? Despicable.
  5. Zeglen – His two-headed monster needs to continue to produce or Zeglen could have a meteoric fall in subsequent rankings.
  6. Keegan – Kamara is good, not that I would know anything about that. Nope, nothing at all.
  7. Ryan – You don’t put up 160+ and simply stay put in the Power Rankings, unfortunately Keegan leapfrogs him because his runningbacks just will not sustain that type of success.
  8. Leffler – Dalvin Cook is all the way back!
  9. Donald – If you can’t even beat me you need to reevaluate your life.
  10. GT – Honestly I am all about snap judgments so this placement is honestly probably very incorrect.

Long live Bar Bill, the best wings on the plant!

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