As you are all well aware by now the United States is being shocked by a Pandemic of epic proportions. Schools, Businesses, Offices, all being closed down to prevent the spread of this possibly deadly virus. Athletes like Danny Amendola and Rob Gronkowski have traded in their cleats for beer pong balls. The burning question on everyone’s mind however, how is Donald McCann training for his impending Beer Mile at this year’s Wasted Talent Fantasy Football League Draft?
I caught up with our former Two Time Champion to see how his preparation has changed amid the COVID-19 outbreak.
Frank: You have previously stated that with mandatory gym shut downs you have been losing muscle mass at a rapid rate. Do you feel this may be a hidden advantage?
Donals: Fortunately, I have not been losing muscle mass at a rapid rate. And even if I was I don’t think it would give me much of a boost. Thick thighs save lives, and hopefully they’ll save mine at this year’s draft.
Frank: On average, how many beers per week had you consumed pre-COVID?
Donals: Pre-quarantine and the world shutting down, I wasn’t consuming many beers week to week . But right before the whole pandemic, I was drinking every weekend for about a month straight. The tolerance is there, the speed is VERY iffy.
Frank: How has the number changed since self-isolation has occurred?
Donals: Post-quarantine my drinking has almost stopped. I try to keep my degeneracy to a minimum or indulge in other vices like ice cream and pizza.
Frank: Obviously your training regiment has been altered, can you give us an example of what you’re doing to stay active in these trying times?
Donals: Training has shifted greatly. While I probably could be out running every day, I’m not. My training consists primarily of pull-ups and push-ups. About 50-60 pull-ups and 100 push-ups a day. Its a damn shame the gym is closed. I’d risk getting the rona 11 times out of 10 to go to the gym.
Frank: Your lung has been a constant concern that your doubters have relied heavily on, can we get an update on how it is doing?
Donals: My lungs more than capable of withstanding the beer mile. For all of you science dorks, while operating with one lung, I was still achieving a blood oxygen level of 96%. Like Lance Armstrong and his singular teste, my full functioning lung is more than enough to win.
Frank: Finally, do you still believe you will be able to rum a sub-ten minute beer mile?
Donals: I still firmly believe I can run a sub 10-minute beer mile. I have plenty of time to train and I’m a former D1 athlete (same), that doesn’t just go away Frankie boy (I know). But I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be close. We might be looking at a photo finish this Draft Weekend 2020.
There you have it folks. The confidence never wavers with our former champion, no matter how many times he is beaten down in Draft Weekend challenges. You have to respect the blind optimism.
As his Idol Kanye West once said “‘Cause the same people that tried to black ball me
Forgot about two things, my black balls“.