5-0! Perfection! The uplift I needed after the Bears ran for a billion yards and embarrassed the Patriots on MNF. Overall record is 19-6.
To disappoint everyone I chose myself (FPR 5) and Steve (FPR 3) as this week’s Matchup of the Week over GT (FPR 2) and Keegan (FPR 6). As much as I wanted to feature GT’s squad I think we need to let the Deaf Guys go do some sage burning and grieve in peace after his young stud and namesake tore his ACL. Additionally, GT’s pain led to Robinson going to the Jets where he may or may not be the starter and left Etienne all alone in Jacksonville and Steve stole Sam Ehlinger from me on waivers this week. These storylines are what the Matchup of the Week is made for.
QB: Advantage Josh? That is not a typo. Brady (QB11) has been a total flop since the Suttons gave up a treasure chest to Pirate Donals (I love you and your fashion choices Donals, I wish I could pull them off) for the aging GOAT but I think this is the week the Bucs turn it around. I know, I know, I say this every week but blind belief is good for the soul. I expect Cousins (QB16) to have a solid week against Arizona.
RB: Advantage Josh. If Swift (RB40) is healthy (another guy I gave up a king’s ransom for) I expect him and Etienne (RB20) to put on a show despite their tough matchups because they will both get a ton of volume after Robinson was traded to the Jets and Jamaal Williams fumbled at the 1 causing Detroit to lose another game. If Swift is out then Steve is going to curb stomp me with King Henry (RB9) and Najee (RB22). My bold prediction is Najee continues disappointing by scoring under 9 points but Henry drops 27.
WR: Strong Advantage Steve. Lamb (WR13) and AJ Brown (WR18) are just scary and both have dream matchups. Kirk (WR10) had a nice rebound week but Denver has a good defense and Sutton (WR24) has Russell Wilson throwing to him. Not an ideal combo.*
TE: Advantage Josh. Screw you Watson and your checkmarks. Schultz (TE35) has been a major disappointment after he has missed nearly the entire season with a PCL sprain but is forced into the lineup after the Unicorn (TE4) suffered a high ankle sprain. Luckily Schultz seems healthy and has Dak back under center. Give me that over Tonyan (TE12) facing Buffalo with a middling Aaron Rodgers.
Flex: Advantage Josh. This one is close but Higgins (WR23) and Cooper (WR12) should be in a shootout and with Njoku out I expect Cooper to get peppered with targets. Don’t get me wrong, I think Jakobi Meyers (WR34) is a stud and is going to score 18 points and lead the patriots in targets, receptions, and yards when the Patriots, led by Mac Jones, obliterate Gang Green. My hesitation is Gabe Davis (WR30). Is this a boom week or a bust week? I am leaning bust because the Packers are as a good as a poopy flavored lollipop so the Bills may be in clock killing mode by the second half. If Davis breaks loose for another two long TDs Steve wins this week by a ton.
Prediction: Josh wins and proves Watson is dumb again as long as Swift suits up. Either way, this will be a tight matchup.
Frank (FPR 7) v. Sacko (FPR 10): This is a very lopsided penis picture so I will echo Frank’s sentiments, congrats on the wife. I hope you practice walking in Africa. Frank by 45.
GT (FPR 2) v. Keegan (FPR 6): I previewed GT’s injury woes above but the front office of the Deaf Guys deserves credit for building such a deep roster. Indeed, Watson has GT winning this matchup but I am giving the edge to Keegan this week because I think all four of his RBs go off and combine for 100 points alone.
Ryan (FPR 4) v. Jafar (FPR 9): A bit disrespectful to have the Blockheads at 4. I believe in this squad to turn it around and the penis picture supports that. Josh Jacobs is a monster, the Ertz trade was low key a huge move, and Jafar is just hoping Aiyuk and Cooks show up this week to prevent a blowout.
Donals (FPR 8) v. Don (FPR 1): This was very nearly another tie for Matchup of the Week but a much less intriguing matchup. These two franchises are headed in opposite directions and the penis picture here is spot on for fantasy. Don by 35.
This week’s parting words will be filled with bonus predictions. Mac Jones starts rest of year, Zappe gets zero snaps for the Patriots and is traded away in the offseason, and Judon has 4 sacks when the Patriots blow out the Jets week 8 to ruin Sacko’s weekend in Africa. Mazel Tov Sacko!
*Fun Fact of the week: My WR duos face each other. As the Master of Statistics and Statistical Phenomena I can promise you that is very rare.