We are back baby! I only have one question though. Why is this asshole so good at football?
Homie has a nose ring like the goth chick you secretly had a crush on in 8th grade but made fun of to her face because you didn’t want your friends to think you were a weirdo. I seriously am so sick on opening up the ESPN Fantasy app 2.3 seconds after kick off and seeing that this asshole already has 7.2 points.
While Alvin Kamara has remained consistent our league, has not. There are only 3 guarantees in this world, death, taxes, and Frank’s team being the lowest scorer of the week. On the positive side at least I know what to expect.
This week we had a few changes that you will see in the rankings but I want to touch on something first. I would like to address my criteria for ranking teams. As you know I have a team of analytics specialists that pour over every second of every game within the league from dawn until dust each day. Think Dylan Elliott, multiplied by 500. That’s the kind of nerd army I have slaving away each day in order to produce the best damn power rankings a Dynasty League based out of the University of Buffalo has ever seen. The following are a few things that will help your teams ranking:
- Taking advantage of lesser players to cultivate a squad of juggernauts that are capable of literally dropping 200 points every week
- Actually dropping 200 points in a week
- Beating Josh or Jason, I will literally do anything to see this happen, LITERALLY anything fellas
- Starting a full lineup
- Tinkering, it works every time so do it guys, especially against me
If you can do like 3/5 of those things you will probably be pretty high in the rankings on a week by week basis. Here are a few things that may be detrimental to your teams rankings.
- Thinking hot dogs are sandwiches
- Taking coaching advice from Josh
- A curse from Jafar, and by extension a curse from Allah
- Being a cat person rather than a dog person (I’m looking at you Donald)
- Scoring less points than the team you played against in the previous week.
Now that we know exactly what kind of grading system is implemented to determine the hierarchy of this league I give you the Not Your Father’s Power Rankings for Week 4 of the Wasted Talent season. Enjoy and I look forward to all of your bitching in the group.
- Don Eaves
Long Live The King