The most contentious time of the year is here again, and I for one am scared as hell. It is time for inter-conference play. These games bring me back to my glory days watching WWE Survivor Series, the conferences are putting their differences aside and banning together for a short time to defeat a familiar foe. The Relevant Teams vs The Athletes and Don, a match up that many are comparing to the Virginia University basketball team taking on the scrappy UMBC Retrievers. We all know how that game turned out but will this week be the same? Only time will tell but I will attempt to predict each cross over game down to the decimal this week. I will also be giving you one player from the game that will be the key to victory (or defeat). Enjoy boys and as always, don’t let Jason near your rear end.
Oh I am playing Jason? Ah…. shit.
Jafaris Jamar Jafarison-Lamar vs. Bad Kamara
Jafar -31.3
ESPN’s biggest mismatch of the week and I for one am extremely offended. Not because I am the underdog but because predicting Jason will score less than 160 points is blasphemy. Aside from Keenan Allen and Zeke Elliott Jason’s squad has incredible match ups this week. I have Jason to win here and cover. RIPIP to my shit sippers, there is always next week.
Edit: Alshon just scored, do I have a chance!?
Final Prediction
Jafar: 174.9 Leffler: 121.4
Key Player: Tom Brady 44.8 Points
More Than A. Thielen vs. Chalupa Batmans
GT -1.1
Both teams are sitting at 3-2 and are poised to make noise in their respective divisions. GT is benefiting from the Colts being absolute garbage and Adam Thielen being the best player in all of fantasy football. Jordan is going to need late-week heroics from Aaron Rodgers to overcome an early deficit in this match up. Will Calvin Ridley stay grounded again this week? I say yes.
Final Prediction
GT: 135.6 Jordan: 118.1
Key Player: Calvin Ridley 4.7 Points
When I Cum I Phillip Rivers vs. Vontae That Process
Ryan -22
THIS. SHIT. IS. HILARIOUS.
Keegan is projected UNDER 100 points on the Saints bye week and I for one am here for it. Ryan is also only projected just over 120 points but he could trot out half a team and whip Keegan’s ass this week. Keegan has to pray Ryan loses every wide receiver he has to injury and maybe his quarterback as well. With all of this being said Keegan will somehow still outscore me so, whatever.
Final Prediction
Ryan: 119.9 Keegan: idk like 8?
Key Player: Robbie Gould cuz it doesn’t even matter, 12 points
Team Braun vs. I Love It
Don Eaves -28.7
The battle of the Dons seems to be a mismatch this week. However, if you look at the Power Rankings this week Don McCann is sitting at #4 and Don Eaves, not so much. Something has to give here. Is it ESPN and their vast resources used for predicting each players output every week, or is it my, mostly arbitrary, sometimes rushed, power rankings? I’m going to say the former rather than the latter. Roll Donald.
Final Prediction
Don Eaves: 122.0 Don McCann: 125.1
Key Player: Julio Jones 33.8 points
Rushin Collusion vs. Me and Mahomies
Josh -22.2
Big Yikes. Every Relevant Team is projected to win their game this week. I already predicted Don McCann to hold it down for us against Don Eaves, can Zeglen do the same? It is going to come down to Pittsburgh’s play. They are playing at Cincy so you know Ben won’t meet his projection. I think it will be a dog fight meaning James Conner will have to get most of his work in the passing game. If he can capitalize there I think Josh rolls. Beware of Mahomes against a pathetic New England secondary. What a way to lose that would be for Josh.
Final Prediction
Josh: 140.5 Zeglen: 114.7
Key Player: Pierre Garcon 4.1 points
There you have it gents. Come back next week, there may be more surprises.
Wasted Talent 